While writing this blog, I actually noticed something. I actually like blogging. But I wish I had started blogging during the heyday of video games, which of course wasn't possible, or in very limited capacity since the internet only came into prominence during the latter half of the 90's, and even then we had to deal with the slow-as-hell and unreliable dial-up. I was really, really into video games in the 90's and even still really into them til about 2005/2006. Basically from the moment I first played a Super Nintendo to the end of the Gamecube era. That's not to say I didn't have good times with my NES or Wii, I definitely did, but in limited capacity.
When I first got the NES I was about 3 or 4 so I was too young to be really into them. I didn't even know the SNES existed til a friend at the time had one and was playing Super Mario World and Super Mario Kart, sometime in 1992, about a year after it came out. I got my SNES in 1994 or so but it was from that point on that I became infatuated with the whole thing. It was like watching a cartoon, but being in control of the action. I loved the shit out of my SNES even though I didn't get one til years later.
Then the N64 came out and my interest in gaming was nearing its peak. I first subscribed to Nintendo Power just after N64's release and still being young (13) at the time and poor due to not working yet, I waited til my 14th birthday in March of 1997 and used that money I got to buy an N64. I didn't have enough money for a game so I had to rent games til I had enough money later that year to start buying games. But from there on my passion continued to climb uphill and I even went back and bought some old SNES games that I missed. At this point my NES was somewhere in a dumpster due to it being "broken" (technically it could've been fixed but I didn't know that at the time). But between SNES, N64, and once Pokemon came out, the original Game Boy, I was obsessed with video games. I played more N64 games than games for any other system. I didn't own a ton but I rented and borrowed about 80% of the system's entire library. Also, during the N64 days, I completed nearly every game that I played and then some. I mastered those games. I knew them inside and out.
Then there was the Gamecube. The first video game console I got at launch. Well, that's not technically true since I got the Game Boy Advance at launch a few months earlier, but those two together were perfection to me. To this day I still love the 'Cube to death. Unfortunately I no longer have the GBA but I'd really like to buy another one. But between the GBA and the GCN my passion was at its absolute peak. I primarily played GCN when at home and GBA when I was at in between classes at college or on lunch break at work. Some of my absolute favorite games are on the Gamecube including Animal Crossing, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker, Resident Evil (remake), Resident Evil 4, and Metroid Prime. The Gamecube represents my passion for gaming at its absolute pinnacle, moreso than the GBA did, but the two of them together were the dream team of gaming to me. Even during the Gamecube era I went back and bought old games for SNES and N64, the ones I may have missed or only rented and wanted to own. So not only was I filling out my new game collection I was also buying old games as well. Lest to say I was very, very broke during this time. I was buying a new game almost on a weekly basis. But I wouldn't trade that money back for the memories I had. College was the absolute best time.
Then, as soon as it began, college ended. I started concentrating more and more on personal relationships from 2004 onward and less about video games, which looking back, was pretty depressing. I also started playing World of Warcraft from its launch in November 2004 onward, on and off every few months. I got the Nintendo DS at launch in 2004 which I was excited about, and the Wii a few weeks after launch in 2006 which I was a little less excited about but still excited, but ultimately this was the beginning of the end of my video gaming passion. I loved my DS when it was in prominence but looking back I don't enjoy it as much now as I do my other systems. The Wii is also very underwhelming in my opinion. Sure it had some great games like the Mario Galaxy games, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Mario Kart Wii, and Kirby's Epic Yarn...but that's really about it. Okay, so Mario Party 8 was good, and Punch-Out!! was too but...the Wii was generally disappointing for me. I also didn't love the DS as much as my GBA. I played a lot of DS games though. But failed to finish many of them unlike GBA, SNES, N64, and GCN games. The best thing about the Wii, to me, was the Virtual Console. I continued to buy old games for the SNES and N64, and even at one point bought another NES and a bunch of games for that, but eventually sold it in 2012 when I felt like I needed to condense my collection. But going back to the DS and Wii I could sense even back then that my interest in gaming was waning. As scary as it sounds, I remember sitting there, playing Donkey Kong County Returns in 2010 specifically thinking that my days of playing video games were nearing their end. And I wasn't far off.
When the 3DS and Wii U were announced I was not going to get them. I had figured my passion was pretty close to being dead so I felt no need to buy new systems I didn't intend to play. Yet I bought them anyway. The 3DS I got 2 months after launch and throughout the last 3 years of owning one, I enjoyed it but not nearly in the capacity that I loved my GBA or even the DS. The 3DS is a great system but I think it's just my waning interest that doesn't allow me to enjoy it as much as I want to. Same goes for the Wii U. I wasn't going to get one. I knew I'd have no time to play it. But I got it anyway. And I've barely played it. Sure I like Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze and Mario Kart 8, and I'll certainly love the new Super Smash Bros. when it comes out at the end of the year but the way I play games now is a far cry from what it used to be. I sold all of my SNES games, GBA games, my N64 games, and PS2 games and left myself with a bunch of DS games I will never play again, most of my GCN library, my small Wii library, and PS3. I miss my SNES of course, but I missed my N64 a lot also so I had to buy it back. I can't afford to sell it again. I just can't. The N64 was classic and so was the SNES, and if I had the money I'd buy another SNES in an instant. But being an adult now I have more important things to concentrate on. The crazy thing is, I still play video games on a nearly daily basis but the passion just isn't there like it used to be. I no longer care to master a game, or get the highest score, or even finish a game. I don't know why it came to this point but I just...don't care. It makes me really, really sad too because over the years my hobbies have been whittled away, one by one, due to less and less free time, but the one passion that has stuck with me all these years is gaming, and now it's almost like I'm clinging onto it for dear life but somehow the hands of fate are still managing to pluck my last hope of passion away from me, which leaves me with....nothing. I keep that tiny sliver of hope that I'll regain my passion for gaming but that has never happened ever since I hit my peak in 2002.
I have said many times in my life that I don't want to grow up to be my parents: boring, dull, miserable, robotic human beings. I can't end up like that. I just can't. Everyone needs a passion - a hobby - in life. Even when you get married and have kids, you need a passion. But I'm losing mine, and I don't know what to do. I've thought about finding a new one, something less time-consuming and expensive. But I know in my heart that video games will be something in my heart til the day I die. Even if I stop buying new consoles and just concentrate on old ones, I want that fire back. I want to care about them again. And right now I just...don't. If I had more free time and money I'd certainly be buying and playing more games, for sure, but I just don't see that happening. My current living arrangement is quite cramped and I have little to zero personal space which doesn't help any. I also have to share a single t.v. with my fiancee which makes things much more difficult. So essentially my last remaining hobby is just about gone.
That's why the title of this post is "Running on Fumes" because that's the truth. That's why I wish I had started a blog during a period where I was really passionate about gaming. I know my interest will never return to its heyday. I'm well aware of that. But why does it have to end? And that's why I added the "My Final Post?" to my post. Is it my final post? Most likely. But who knows, maybe I'll find something in gaming to reignite my flames, even if not completely. Or maybe I'll find a new hobby and become passionate about that and start a new blog about that. I have no plans to completely stop gaming. Like I said, I play a game in some fashion nearly every day even if for just an hour. But the fire isn't there anymore. Maybe it's a part of growing older. Who knows? Anyway, if this is my final post, it's been fun writing here. If you were enjoying my posts and wanted more, I am sorry to have let you down. Maybe I'll see you on another blog that I write. Farewell, for now...
No comments:
Post a Comment